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5 Tons of Nutella Stolen, 10 Possible Uses

Over the weekend, thieves in the German town of Bad Hersfeld stole 7 pallets of Nutella jars from a semi-parked trailer. Weighing in at approximately 5 tons, the creamy loot is valued at over $20,000. While such a payday might be motivation enough, it is possible that the thieves had a different plan in mind. Below are some of the other plausible theories as to why someone would steal 10,000 pounds of the hazelnut-chocolate spread:


Ray Nagin

10. Ray Nagin is finally going to build his “Chocolate City.”


Nutella Faces

9. Nutella makes you younger (claim these octogenarians).


Willy Wonka

8. A production company needed it on the set of “Wonka 2: Chocolate Boogaloo.”


Tay Zonday Chocolate Rain

7. Tay Zonday is going to dump it from a plane, completing his life’s work.


Chris Christie

6. Chris Christie is stocking his doomsday shelter.


Nutella the new European currency

5. Nutella is officially the world’s most valuable currency.


Tan Mom

4. “Tan Mom” Patricia Krentcil has found the ultimate tanning lotion.


Tough Mudder

3. Tough Mudders need it for their new event “Tough Nutters.”


Randy Watson Sexual Chocolate

2. Sexual Chocolate is gearing up for their “Chocolate Fantasy” reunion tour.


Bloomberg Holding Nutella

1. Mayor Michael Bloomberg is creating an artificial Nutella shortage to save you from yourself.


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