SocialistMop.com Political Humor for the Liberty-Minded
Tonight, Alec Baldwin said good-bye to public life forever.
You promise, big guy?
In a scathing, 5,000-word rant published on New York magazine’s entertainment portal Vulture.com, Baldwin raised a middle finger to many of his recent co-stars and collaborators, and bid adieu to the public spotlight for the foreseeable future.
Honestly, I’ll believe it when I see it. After all, isn’t this the guy who vowed that he would leave the country in 2000 if George W. Bush were elected President?
And what happened, did Baldwin leave? No, he shot Pearl Harbor instead.
Why is it that when celebrities say they’re going to leave, they never leave?
For example, Eddie Vedder said that he would self-deport if Bush won in 2000.
And in 2008, Michael Stipe and Susan Sarandon pledged that they would move abroad if John McCain won the Presidential election. In a rare “two-fer,” Sarandon even said that she would take her son Tim Robbins with her.
Had McCain won, do you think they would have left? Not a chance. Why? Because they know which side their bread is buttered on.
In other words, these celebrities can’t leave, just like Alec Baldwin can’t remain in hiding for very long.
Which is bizarre because when you read the volatile actor’s farewell op-ed on Vulture.com, he has some pretty harsh words for his peeps in the entertainment industry.
On Shia LaBeouf:
He had that card, that card you get when you make films that make a lot of money that gives you a certain kind of entitlement. I think he was surprised that it didn’t work in the theater.
On Phil Griffin, head of MSNBC:
Phil is a veteran programmer who knows well the corridors and chambers of television programming—and couldn’t give a flying f*ck about content.
On fellow MSNBC hosts:
Morning Joe was boring. Scarborough is neither eloquent nor funny… The problem with everybody on MSNBC is none of them are funny, although that doesn’t prevent them from trying to be.
On Rachel Maddow:
Maddow is quite good at what she does. I also think she’s a phony who doesn’t have the same passion for the truth off-camera that she seems to have on the air.
One gets the sense that Baldwin’s not over MSNBC canceling his show.
Here are some other interesting quotes from the article.
On being a homophobe:
Am I a homophobe? Look, I work in show business. I am awash in gay people.
I am awash in gay people? “There are gays everywhere!” Glad to see that the sensitivity training has paid off, Alec.
On calling a Paparazzi photographer a “c*cksucking f*ggot”:
But—I’m sorry, I can’t let go of this—do people really, really believe that, when I shouted at that guy, I called him a ‘f*ggot’ on-camera?
Yes, that’s what we really, really believe. Really. I mean, it’s on camera. How did you not say it? This sounds more and more like an Obama denial: “What I said in the past was…”
On calling a reporter a “toxic little queen”:
In my rage, however, I called him a ‘toxic little queen,’ and, thus, Anderson Cooper, the self-appointed Jack Valenti of gay media culture, suggested I should be ‘vilified,’ in his words.
Vilified? No, you should be celebrated. Let’s name a street after you, make your birthday a national holiday. And here’s the key to the city.
Look, in the end, it’s a good thing that Alec Baldwin will be going away for a while. He needs some timeout in the corner. The only problem is that, just like a Fast and Furious sequel, you know he’ll be coming back.
And that will occur precisely when he needs money. After losing his contract with Capital One, I’m sure that he’s less happy with what’s in his wallet these days.
Until his glorious return, let’s enjoy this little break from Alec Baldwin, however long it lasts. And, of course, we’ll welcome him with open arms once his show on Al-Jazeera launches.
